Sometimes grief arrives in places we never expected.
When people think about grief, they often think about death. Yet there are many losses that can leave us grieving deeply, even though society does not always recognise them.
One example is when someone becomes involved in a relationship that later turns out not to be what they believed it was. They may have invested their heart, their trust, their hopes and dreams, only to discover they have been deceived, manipulated, or used.
The relationship ends, but the grief remains.
This can be a form of disenfranchised grief – grief that is not openly acknowledged, socially accepted, or supported by others.
The pain is often made worse by shame.
People may ask themselves:
“How did I not see the signs?”
“Why did I believe them?”
“What will people think of me?”
Some never speak about their experience because they fear judgement from family, friends, colleagues, or even themselves.
Yet grief does not measure whether a relationship was official, long-term, public, or socially approved.
Grief measures attachment.
It reflects the loss of what we believed was real, the future we imagined, and the trust we placed in another person.
Many people are not only grieving the relationship itself. They are grieving lost confidence, lost self-esteem, and sometimes the loss of the person they felt they were before the experience.
The silence surrounding this type of loss can leave people feeling isolated and alone.
But being deceived does not make someone foolish.
Trusting another human being is not a weakness.
Loving someone is not something to be ashamed of.
Healing begins when we allow ourselves to acknowledge the loss without judgement and recognise that our feelings are valid.
Every grief story deserves compassion, including the ones that happen behind closed doors and are rarely spoken about.
Sometimes the greatest kindness we can offer ourselves is to stop asking, “Why did this happen to me?” and instead gently ask, “What do I need to heal from this?”
What do I need to heal from this? What steps do I need to take to heal from this?
If you require a non-judgemental space to explore these your emotions, please contact me.
Warmly,
Sue