For many people, Father’s Day is a day of celebration.
For others, it can be one of the hardest days of the year.
As a grief counsellor, and as someone who has experienced loss myself, I know that grief does not disappear simply because time has passed. Special dates have a way of finding the places where love still lives.
Father’s Day can bring a mixture of emotions. Sadness. Gratitude. Anger. Regret. Relief. Love. Sometimes all of them at once.
There is no right or wrong way to feel today.
Where Grief Sits
Grief is not just something we think about. It often lives within the body. It might be a heaviness in the chest or a lump in the throat, stomach ache or tight shoulders.
It may appear as weariness that seems to appear from nowhere or restlessness. Tears may never be very far beneath the surface.
It is the case that our bodies remember before our minds do and rather than trying to push these feelings away, perhaps today you might simply notice them.
Place a hand where you feel the grief most strongly.
Take a slow breath.
Allow yourself a moment to sit quietly with whatever is there.
Not to fix it or make it go away, but simply acknowledge that it is there. .
Because grief is often love looking for somewhere to go.
Sitting With What Is There
We live in a world that encourages us to stay busy and distracted.
Yet grief often softens when we allow it space.
If today feels difficult, give yourself permission to pause.
Make a cup of tea.
Sit in the garden.
Take a walk.
Listen to a favourite song.
Look through an old photograph album.
Allow memories to arrive as they choose.
You do not need to be strong today.
You only need to be present.
Honouring Your Dad
One of the gentlest ways to navigate Father’s Day is to honour the relationship the existence of the relationship and the love rather than the loss.
Visit somewhere that was special to him or watch a favourite film that he could quote word for word.
Cook his favourite meal.
Talk about him and say his name out loud.
Tell his stories and say his favourite sayings (even though they still make you cringe)
Love does not end when someone dies.
It changes shape.
Remembering the Little Things
When someone dies, we often think we will remember the big occasions.
The birthdays.
The holidays.
The celebrations.
Yet it is often the smallest memories that remain with us most clearly.
The ordinary moments.
The everyday habits.
The things that seemed completely unremarkable at the time.
Maybe your dad spent hours painting tiny soldiers balanced on a wooden board laid across the arms of his chair, completely absorbed in his own world.
Maybe when you asked him a question, he would slowly look up over the top of his glasses before answering, giving you a look that somehow spoke volumes before a single word had been said.
Maybe he always sat in the same chair.
Maybe he had favourite sayings that appeared in every conversation.
Perhaps every journey involved a shortcut that somehow took longer than the original route.
Perhaps he had habits that made you roll your eyes at the time but would give anything to witness again today.
These are the memories that often catch us by surprise.
Not the grand moments.
The ordinary ones.
Because ordinary life is where relationships are built.
Laugh at the Funny Things
Sometimes Father’s Day can feel heavy.
Yet alongside the sadness there may also be room for laughter.
Remember the stories that still make you smile.
The jokes that made everyone groan.
The habits that became family legends.
The things only he would do.
Laughter does not mean you miss him any less.
In many ways it means he is still present in the stories you tell and the memories you share.
Grief and joy are not opposites.
They can sit side by side.
Sometimes in the very same moment.
All arriving together.
If Your Relationship Was Complicated
Not every father-child relationship was easy.
Some were loving.
Some were difficult.
Some left questions unanswered.
Some left wounds that never fully healed.
If your grief feels complicated today, know that this is normal too.
You can miss someone and still feel hurt.
You can love someone and still feel angry.
You can grieve what was, whilst also grieving what never was.
There is room for all of it.
A Gentle Thought For Today
If your dad is no longer here this Father’s Day, be gentle with yourself.
Take your time.
Feel what you feel.
Notice where grief sits in your body and allow yourself a moment to simply be with it.
Remember the stories.
Remember the laughter.
Remember the habits that made him uniquely him.
Remember the man sitting quietly painting soldiers for hours.
Remember the look over the top of the glasses.
Remember the words he used.
Remember the things that still make you smile.
Because today is not only about who is missing.
It is also about who mattered.
Today I will remember not just that my dad died, but that he lived.
That he laughed.
That he loved.
And that a part of him remains with me still.
If you are finding that your grief is feeling heavy, please reach out to see if I can help.
Warmly,
Sue