September often brings change.
A child may be starting school for the first time. A young person may be leaving for university, beginning a new job or moving away from home.
These are usually described as happy milestones—and they can be. You may feel proud, excited and pleased for them. But you may also feel an unexpected sense of loss.
Perhaps the house feels too quiet. The familiar routine has disappeared. You may miss being needed in the same way or wonder what your role will look like now.
So, is this really grief?
Yes, it can be.
Grief is not only connected to death
Grief can arise whenever something meaningful changes or ends.
When your child starts school, leaves home or moves away, you have not lost the relationship. But you may be grieving the end of a particular stage of family life.
You may miss:
- The everyday conversations and shared meals
- Knowing when they will walk through the door
- Being closely involved in their daily life
- The routines that have shaped your days
- The sense of purpose that came from caring for them
- The person you were during that part of your life
This is sometimes described as a non-death loss. There may also be elements of ambiguous loss: the person is still part of your life, but their presence and your relationship with them are changing.
“You should be pleased for them”
Other people may not understand why you are struggling.
They might say:
- “They are only going to university.”
- “You should be proud.”
- “They will be home before you know it.”
- “This is what children are supposed to do.”
- “You need to enjoy having more time to yourself.”
These comments may be well meant, but they can leave you feeling that your response is unreasonable.
When a loss is not recognised or taken seriously by other people, it can feel like disenfranchised grief. Your feelings may be dismissed because nobody has died and the change is considered positive.
But pride and sadness can exist together.
You can want your child to grow, become independent and enjoy new opportunities while still missing the life you shared before. One feeling does not cancel out the other.
When the house and your role feel different
If much of your life has centred around caring for your children, their growing independence may leave a space that you were not prepared for.
You may find yourself asking:
- Who needs me now?
- What do I do with this extra time?
- Who am I outside my role as a parent?
- Will we still be close?
- What will home feel like from now on?
These questions do not mean you are overreacting. They reflect a genuine life transition.
Give yourself time to adjust
Some parts of this change may become easier with time. New routines can develop, and your relationship with your child may gradually find a different shape.
You do not need to rush yourself into enjoying the change or pretend that everything feels fine.
It may help to:
- Keep some gentle structure in your day
- Talk to someone who will not dismiss your feelings
- Plan regular contact while allowing your child their independence
- Reconnect with interests or relationships that have had less attention
- Notice what you need, rather than what other people think you should feel
- Make changes gradually instead of trying to fill the space immediately
This is not about replacing the relationship or leaving the past behind. It is about finding your footing as life changes.
If your sadness continues, affects your everyday life or leaves you feeling lost, you do not have to manage it alone.
At Evolve Talking Therapies, there is space to talk honestly about this kind of loss. I am here to listen—not to fix you, judge your reaction or tell you how you should feel.
Warmly,
Sue
Evolve Talking Therapies