Have you found it harder to concentrate since someone died? Are you forgetting things, losing your train of thought or struggling to make decisions that once felt straightforward?
You may be experiencing something often described as “grief brain.”
Grief is usually associated with sadness, loneliness and missing the person who has died. But bereavement can also affect memory, concentration, sleep, energy, decision-making and our ability to manage everyday life.
For some people, these changes can be frightening.
You may even find yourself thinking:
“Why can’t I think straight anymore?”
Let’s look at why this can happen.
What Is Grief Brain?
“Grief brain” isn’t a formal medical diagnosis. It is an informal term used to describe the brain fog, forgetfulness and difficulty concentrating that some people experience following bereavement.
You might:
- Forget appointments or conversations
- Walk into a room and forget why you went there
- Misplace your phone or keys
- Read the same paragraph several times
- Lose your train of thought
- Struggle to concentrate at work
- Find decisions unexpectedly difficult
- Feel mentally slower or more easily overwhelmed
If you were previously organised and able to juggle several things at once, this change can feel particularly unsettling.
Why Does Grief Affect Memory and Concentration?
When someone important to us dies, our mind has an enormous amount to process.
Alongside the emotional impact of the loss, there may be practical matters to deal with, changes in routine, family responsibilities, financial concerns and decisions about the future.
Your mind is also trying to adjust to a world in which someone who was previously part of your everyday life is no longer physically present.
All of this requires mental and emotional energy.
It can leave less capacity available for remembering, concentrating, planning and making decisions.
Why Can Grief Make You Feel Mentally Exhausted?
Grieving can be exhausting even when you don’t appear to be doing very much.
Your thoughts may repeatedly return to memories, worries, unanswered questions, the circumstances of the death or what life will look like now.
At the same time, you may still be working, looking after other people and trying to keep everyday life going.
From the outside, life may look relatively normal.
Inside, it can feel anything but normal.
Can Grief Affect Sleep and Make Brain Fog Worse?
Yes. Grief and sleep difficulties can often occur together.
You might struggle to fall asleep, wake during the night or find yourself awake in the early hours thinking.
Others may sleep for longer but still wake feeling exhausted.
When we are tired, concentration, memory and decision-making can become harder.
Combine disrupted sleep with the emotional demands of bereavement and brain fog after a loss may become much more noticeable.
Why Is Making Decisions So Difficult During Grief?
Even ordinary decisions can sometimes feel overwhelming.
What shall I have for dinner?
Should I go out tonight?
Which thing do I need to deal with first?
This doesn’t necessarily mean you have lost your ability to make decisions.
Your mental resources may simply be being used elsewhere.
Where possible, give yourself time and avoid putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to make significant decisions when you already feel overwhelmed.
Grief Brain at Work
Returning to work following a bereavement can be particularly difficult.
You may look exactly as you did before your loss while internally struggling to concentrate, retain information or manage your usual workload.
Other people may assume that because you have returned to work, everything is getting “back to normal.”
But grief doesn’t disappear when you walk through the workplace door.
Writing things down, using reminders, breaking larger tasks into smaller steps and talking to your employer about appropriate support may help.
How Long Does Grief Brain Last?
There is no single timetable.
Just as there is no correct way to grieve, there isn’t a particular date by which your concentration or memory should return to how it was before.
For many people, these difficulties gradually become less noticeable as they adjust to their loss.
But grief isn’t linear.
Birthdays, anniversaries, significant places or an unexpected reminder can sometimes make grief — and difficulties concentrating — feel stronger again.
That doesn’t mean you have gone backwards.
What Can Help With Grief Brain?
Rather than expecting yourself to function exactly as you did before your loss, consider temporarily making life a little easier for your brain.
Try:
- Writing appointments and important information down
- Using reminders on your phone
- Doing one thing at a time
- Breaking larger tasks into smaller steps
- Allowing yourself extra time
- Postponing unnecessary major decisions when overwhelmed
- Prioritising rest and sleep where possible
- Accepting practical help from people you trust
Most importantly, try not to measure yourself against how you functioned before your loss.
You do not have to grieve efficiently.
When Should I Seek Help for Memory or Concentration Problems?
Although problems with memory and concentration can occur during grief, not every cognitive change should automatically be attributed to bereavement.
If your difficulties are severe, becoming worse, persisting, affecting your safety or ability to manage everyday life, or simply causing you concern, speak to your GP or another appropriate healthcare professional.
Frequently Asked Questions About Grief Brain
Is forgetfulness normal during grief?
Some people experience increased forgetfulness and difficulty concentrating following a bereavement. Grief can place considerable emotional and mental demands on us, and disrupted sleep and exhaustion may contribute too.
Can grief cause brain fog?
People sometimes use the term “grief brain” to describe feeling mentally foggy, distracted, forgetful or slower in their thinking following a loss.
Can grief affect your ability to work?
It can. Concentration, motivation, memory, sleep and energy may all be affected following bereavement, which can make returning to work more difficult.
Does grief brain go away?
For many people, difficulties with concentration and memory become less noticeable over time. There isn’t, however, a fixed timetable for grief or adjustment following bereavement.
Should I be worried about memory problems after bereavement?
If memory problems are severe, worsening, persistent or causing you concern, it is sensible to discuss them with your GP rather than assuming grief is the only possible cause.
Grief Doesn’t Only Affect Our Emotions
We can expect ourselves to continue functioning as though nothing significant has happened.
But something significant has happened.
Grief can affect how we feel, how we sleep, how much energy we have and how clearly we can think.
Understanding this may help remove some of the additional pressure we put upon ourselves.
Instead of asking:
“What is wrong with me?”
Perhaps a gentler question might be:
“What am I carrying at the moment?”
Grief and Bereavement Support in East Yorkshire
When someone important to you dies, you don’t have to find your way through grief alone.
At Evolve Talking Therapies, I offer professional, confidential grief and bereavement support for people who need somewhere safe to talk about their loss and how it is affecting their life.
You won’t be taken through stages or told when it is time to move on.
Your grief does not need fixing.
Sometimes what is needed is simply somewhere for your grief to be heard.
Here to listen, not to fix.
Warmly,
Sue
Evolve Talking Therapies