Think About What You Need
As the birthday or death anniversary of someone you love approaches, it can help to pause and ask yourself one simple question:
“What do I need today?”
Grief affects every one of us differently, and significant dates often bring emotions that are difficult to predict. Some people long to be surrounded by family and friends, while others need quiet time alone to remember the person they have lost.
Neither approach is right or wrong.
Taking time to think about what feels supportive for you is an important part of coping with grief. Rather than focusing on what other people might expect, try to listen to what your own mind and body are telling you.
You may find it helpful to ask yourself:
- Would I like company today?
- Would I prefer some quiet time on my own?
- Is there someone I could call if I needed support?
- Would a walk, a favourite place or simply staying at home feel kinder to myself today?
- What would help me feel safe, cared for and less overwhelmed?
There is no perfect way to spend a significant day after bereavement.
The most important thing is that your choices feel right for you.
Setting Gentle Boundaries Around Significant Days
One aspect of self-care that is often overlooked is setting boundaries.
Well-meaning family and friends may want to visit, make plans or encourage you to spend the day in a particular way because they want to help. Their intentions usually come from a place of love, but what feels comforting to one person may feel overwhelming to another.
You might welcome company and shared memories, or you may feel that having people around would be too much. Perhaps you would rather receive a thoughtful text message than a visit, or you may decide to switch off your phone for a few hours and simply spend quiet time remembering your loved one.
Your needs may even change from one year to the next, and that is perfectly normal.
Giving yourself permission to say, “This is what I need today,” is not selfish. It is an act of kindness towards yourself.
Setting boundaries is not about shutting people out. It is about creating the emotional space you need to navigate a day that may already feel heavy.
Remember, you do not have to carry the responsibility of meeting other people’s expectations while you are caring for your own heart.
By acknowledging your needs and honouring your boundaries, you are practising self-care during bereavement. That gentle act of self-compassion can make difficult anniversaries and birthdays feel a little more manageable and remind you that there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Every grief journey is unique, and the way you choose to remember someone only needs to feel meaningful to you.
If you feel that you need someone to walk along side you on your bereavement journey, please reach out for a 30 minute free discovery call.
Warmly,
Sue