For many people, a Bank Holiday means something to look forward to.
A long weekend. Plans with friends. A family meal. A day out. Perhaps a few days away.
But when you are grieving, a Bank Holiday can feel very different.
Instead of an extra day to enjoy, it can feel like an extra day to fill.
And when the person you would normally have spent that time with is no longer there, their absence can feel particularly noticeable.
When Everyone Else Seems to Have Plans
Bank Holidays have a way of making other people’s lives very visible.
People talk about what they’re doing for the weekend. Social media fills with photographs of family gatherings, trips to the coast, meals out, barbecues and weekends away.
You may find yourself thinking:
What am I going to do?
Perhaps you don’t want to go anywhere alone.
Perhaps the people you would usually meet already have plans with their own families.
Perhaps you’ve been invited somewhere but don’t feel able to go.
Or perhaps nobody has asked.
That can hurt.
Grief Can Change Your Social World
Loss doesn’t only mean missing the person who died.
It can change the shape of your everyday life.
The person you went for Sunday lunch with.
The person sitting beside you in the car.
The person you wandered around a garden centre with.
The person who suggested going out for the day.
The person you did absolutely nothing with — but you did it together.
These seemingly ordinary things can become painfully noticeable when a long weekend arrives.
You aren’t necessarily lonely because you don’t know other people.
You can have family, friends and people who care about you and still feel profoundly lonely.
Because sometimes the person you want is one particular person.
An Empty Day Can Feel Very Long
Routine can help us through grief more than we sometimes realise.
There is work. Shopping. Appointments. School runs. Walking the dog. Everyday jobs that give the day some shape.
A Bank Holiday interrupts that routine.
Suddenly there are hours with nowhere you have to be.
And when you are already living with grief, that space can feel enormous.
You may become more aware of the empty chair, the quiet house or simply the fact that nobody is asking:
“What shall we do today?”
You Don’t Have to Make the Day Special
There can be pressure to “make the most” of a Bank Holiday.
You don’t have to.
If you are grieving and feeling lonely, you don’t need to create a wonderful day to prove that you are coping.
You might simply need to make the day manageable.
Give yourself a little structure.
Get up and get dressed.
Have something decent to eat.
Go for a walk.
Sit somewhere with a coffee where there are other people around.
Telephone someone.
Watch something familiar.
Spend time in the garden.
Read.
Do something that occupies your hands for a while.
None of these things fixes loneliness or grief.
That isn’t the point.
They simply give the day some shape.
Going Somewhere Alone Can Feel Difficult
One of the quieter consequences of bereavement is having to learn how to do things alone that you once did together.
The first coffee alone.
The first meal out.
The first trip to the coast.
The first holiday.
Even walking into a café and asking for a table for one can feel surprisingly difficult.
You don’t have to tackle all of those things at once.
Perhaps today it is simply a coffee.
Perhaps next time it is lunch.
There is no prize for doing it quickly.
If Someone You Know Is Grieving This Bank Holiday
Don’t assume they already have plans.
Ask.
A simple message saying:
“I wondered what you were doing over the Bank Holiday. Fancy a coffee or a walk?”
can mean more than you realise.
And if they say no, don’t necessarily stop asking.
Grief can make people withdraw at exactly the time they most need connection.
If You’re Feeling Lonely Today
Loneliness after loss isn’t evidence that you are failing to move forward.
Sometimes it is simply the space where another person used to be.
Bank Holidays, weekends and special occasions can make that space feel bigger.
So don’t measure your day against everybody else’s.
You don’t need photographs of a wonderful Bank Holiday.
You don’t need exciting plans.
You don’t need to pretend you’re enjoying the long weekend.
Sometimes getting through a difficult, lonely day gently is enough.
Grief and Bereavement Support in East Yorkshire
At Evolve Talking Therapies, I don’t believe grief needs fixing or that there is a timetable for moving on.
Sometimes what you need is somewhere you can talk honestly about what life after loss actually feels like — including the loneliness that other people may not see.
Your grief does not need fixing. But you don’t have to carry it entirely alone.
Warmly,
Sue
Evolve Talking Therapies