January can feel unexpectedly hard when you’re grieving — especially if you’re a woman in midlife who has lost one parent, and then within months the other. That is assuming you were fortunate to have a relationship with both your parents.
Many people expect December to be the most difficult month. Yet when January arrives, it often brings a quieter, deeper ache. The noise has gone. The routines return. And the grief, which may have been held at bay by obligation and busyness, has space to rise.
The layering of loss
Losing a parent is life-altering. Losing both parents can feel like the ground beneath you has subtly shifted.
Grief doesn’t replace itself — it layers.
The loss of your second parent can awaken not only fresh sorrow, but the unprocessed grief of the first. You may find yourself grieving twice, or grieving in a new, more complex way.
For many women, this is also the moment a quiet realisation settles in:
I am now the orphaned generation.
Even in adulthood, this can feel deeply unsettling with altered personal foundations.
Becoming “the responsible adult”
Alongside grief, there is often a change in role.
You may now be the eldest generation — the keeper of family knowledge, traditions, stories, and values.
This responsibility isn’t always wanted or welcomed.
You may feel:
- Pressure to be strong for your own adult children
- The expectation to hold the family together
- A sense of invisibility for your own grief
- Confusion about where you are held now
And yet, inside, you may still long to be someone’s child.
Why January makes grief harder
January strips away distractions.
- The Christmas bustle has ended
- Social expectations fade
- Long, dark nights remain
- Nature is still in winter — resting, hibernating
- Life returns to routine, but you may feel unchanged
The world seems to move forward, while you carry your grief quietly into ordinary days.
This contrast can feel lonely and disorientating.
What remains with you
Although your parents are no longer physically present, they live on in quieter, enduring ways.
You may carry:
- Their values
- Their work ethic
- Their cultural beliefs
- Their sayings, humour, and habits
- Their way of loving
And most importantly — their memory.
Grief does not mean forgetting.
It means learning how to carry love in a different form.
Gentle ways to move forward on your grief path
Drawing on David Kessler’s work and the sixth stage of grief — Meaning, here are eight gentle reflections to support you in January and beyond:
- Allow January to be slow
You are not meant to “bounce back.” Winter is a season of rest — emotionally and physically. - Acknowledge layered grief
Grieving both parents may feel heavier than expected. This is not weakness — it is depth of love. - Let go of the need to be the strong one
You are allowed to need support, even if others look to you. - Create a quiet ritual of remembrance
A candle, a walk, a letter, or a memory shared — meaning is often found in small, personal acts. - Notice what you carry forward
Ask gently: What part of my parents lives on through me?
This is not loss — it is legacy. In time you may feel able to share that legacy with younger members of the family. It may take the form of memories and humour shared or places visited with parents/grandparents. - Release timelines and expectations
There is no “right” way to grieve, and no deadline for healing. The grief path is unique to each individual and is to be honoured and respected. - Find meaning without forcing positivity
Meaning does not erase pain. It sits alongside it — slowly, naturally, when you are ready and most definitely not before you are ready. - Allow grief to reshape, not break, you
The sixth stage of grief is not about moving on — it is about integrating loss into who you are becoming.
A gentle closing thought
If January feels heavy, you are not failing — you are feeling.
Grief in midlife often arrives alongside change, responsibility, and reflection. It asks us to pause, to soften, and to find meaning in ways that feel authentic to us.
At Evolve Talking Therapies, you don’t need to carry this alone.
Grief counselling offers a listening and understanding ear that is accepting of your grief journey.
Having lived experience, I’m able to support you to be able to look at what this season of loss is asking of you – at your pace, in your own way and only when you feel ready.
Your grief is unique.
Your love endures.
And your path forward can be gentle.
If you feel ready for a chat, then please call me.
Warmly, Sue