When we think of summer, we often picture sunshine, family holidays, long evenings, gardens in bloom and laughter drifting through open windows.
For many people, summer is a season of making memories.
But if someone you love has died, summer can feel very different.
You may find yourself wondering why everyone else seems to be enjoying life while you are simply trying to get through another day. It can feel as though the world has moved on, yet your own world stopped the moment your loved one died.
If this sounds familiar, please know there is nothing wrong with you.
Grief doesn’t recognise the seasons. It doesn’t disappear because the weather is warmer or because everyone else expects you to be smiling again.
Summer Can Shine a Light on Loss
Winter often prepares us for quieter days and reflective moments, but summer can bring a different kind of pain.
Longer days leave more time to think.
Family gatherings can remind you of the person who should still be there.
Holidays you once looked forward to may now feel impossible to imagine.
Sometimes it isn’t the big occasions that catch us out. It can be something as simple as hearing a favourite song, smelling freshly cut grass or seeing someone enjoying an ice cream that suddenly brings a memory flooding back.
Grief often arrives quietly, without asking permission.
The Empty Space That Nobody Else Sees
Perhaps they were the one who always lit the barbecue.
Maybe they loved sitting in the garden with a cup of tea.
Perhaps every summer holiday included the same traditions that now only exist in your memories.
Other people may not notice these absences.
You do.
You notice the empty chair.
The missing laugh.
The conversation that never happens.
These are the quiet moments that grief carries with it.
When Everyone Else Seems Happy
Summer can sometimes make grief feel lonelier.
Social media fills with photographs of holidays, festivals and family days out. It can feel as though everyone else is moving forwards while you are standing still.
The truth is, people only share small snapshots of their lives.
Very few people share the tears, the sleepless nights or the quiet moments when they too are struggling.
Please don’t compare your grief with someone else’s life.
Your journey is your own.
There Is No Right Way to Grieve
One of the things I often say to people is this…
There is no timetable for grief.
You don’t have to be “better” after six months.
Or a year.
Or five years.
The relationship you had with the person who died was unique.
So your grief will be unique too.
Some days you may feel stronger.
Other days something completely unexpected may bring tears to your eyes.
Neither day is wrong.
Both are simply part of loving someone who is no longer physically here.
Be Gentle With Yourself This Summer
If this summer feels difficult, try giving yourself the kindness that you would so readily offer someone else.
You don’t have to attend every invitation.
You don’t have to pretend you’re okay if you’re not.
You don’t have to explain your tears.
Perhaps spend time somewhere peaceful.
Take your morning coffee into the garden.
Walk with your dog and notice the trees moving gently in the breeze.
Write your thoughts in a journal.
Visit a place that holds happy memories.
Or simply sit quietly and allow yourself to feel whatever arrives.
There is no expectation.
Only permission.
It’s Okay to Laugh Again
Many people tell me they feel guilty when they catch themselves smiling or laughing.
As though enjoying a moment somehow means they have left their loved one behind.
It doesn’t.
Love doesn’t disappear because you smiled.
Your memories don’t fade because you enjoyed a sunny afternoon.
The person you love has helped shape who you are.
They remain part of your story.
Grief and joy are not opposites.
Very often, they sit quietly alongside one another.
You Don’t Have to Carry Grief Alone
Grief can feel incredibly lonely, particularly during the summer months when life seems busy all around you.
Sometimes family and friends want to help but simply don’t know what to say. Sometimes you may find yourself protecting those around you by saying you’re “fine”, when inside you feel anything but.
You don’t have to carry that weight on your own.
Having someone who will simply listen, without judgement, without trying to fix you, and without expecting you to be anywhere other than where you are today, can be a huge relief.
At Evolve Talking Therapies, I offer compassionate, person-centred bereavement counselling for adults who are living with loss. Whether your bereavement is recent or happened many years ago, our work together moves at your pace, because there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Sessions are available face-to-face in Driffield, East Yorkshire, or online from the comfort of your own home, giving you the flexibility to choose the setting that feels safest and most comfortable for you.
A Gentle Thought to Leave You With
If this summer feels harder than you expected, please be kind to yourself.
Grief has no timetable.
No finish line.
No right or wrong path.
There will be days when the sunshine feels comforting.
There will be days when it feels almost unbearable.
Both are okay.
Take one day at a time.
One gentle step at a time.
And remember…
The depth of your grief is simply a reflection of the depth of your love.
If you feel you would benefit from talking to someone, I’d be honoured to walk alongside you for a while. Whether we meet in person in Driffield or online from wherever you are, you will be welcomed with warmth, compassion and acceptance, just as you are.