1 September is World Letter Writing Day — a day that celebrates something many of us do far less often now: sitting down and putting our thoughts into words for another person.
A handwritten letter can strengthen connections, spark creativity, encourage us to slow down and become a treasured keepsake for years to come.
But when someone we love has died, letter writing can take on a very different meaning.
There may no longer be an address to write to. There may be no reply.
Yet there can still be so much left to say.
Grief Doesn’t End the Relationship
When somebody dies, our relationship with them doesn’t simply disappear.
We may still think about what they would say. We remember their expressions, their habits and the little things that made them them. We might find ourselves wanting to tell them about something that happened or wishing we could ask their advice.
Sometimes we simply want to say:
“I miss you.”
This is part of what is sometimes described in grief work as a continuing bond — finding ways of maintaining a connection with someone who has died while gradually learning how to live with their absence.
Writing a letter can be one way of doing that.
In grief, a handwritten letter can become more than a keepsake. It can give our thoughts, memories and feelings somewhere to go.
The simple act of sitting quietly with a pen and paper can give us permission to slow down and spend a little time with the person we are missing. We can remember, reflect and put into words some of the things we may still carry inside us.
And unlike a conversation, there is no need to find the right words immediately. We can stop. Think. Cry. Remember. Cross something out. Start again.
The letter doesn’t need a destination.
Sometimes, the writing itself is enough.
What Would You Tell Them Today?
Imagine sitting down with a piece of paper and writing to the person you have lost.
What would you want them to know?
Perhaps you would tell them what has happened since they died.
You might tell them about the family, something funny that happened, a place you visited or something you achieved.
Or perhaps your letter would contain things that are much harder to say.
You might write about how angry you are that they died.
How lonely you have felt.
Something you regret.
Something you wish had happened differently.
A conversation you wish you had been able to have.
Or simply how much you wish they were still here.
There are no rules.
Your Letter Doesn’t Have to Be Beautiful
This isn’t a writing exercise.
Nobody is marking your spelling or grammar. You don’t need beautiful stationery and you certainly don’t need to find profound words.
You might write three pages.
You might write three sentences.
You might begin:
Dear Mum, I really needed you today…
Dad, you wouldn’t believe what happened this week…
I wish I’d told you…
I’m still angry about…
Do you remember when…
I miss…
Or simply:
I don’t really know what to say, but I wanted to write to you.
Start wherever you are.
You Don’t Have to Make Grief Sound Nice
There can sometimes be pressure around remembrance to focus on happy memories and celebrate someone’s life.
But grief isn’t always neat or sentimental.
Relationships can be complicated.
Your letter can contain love and anger.
Gratitude and regret.
Laughter and resentment.
Things you miss and things you don’t miss at all.
You don’t have to edit your relationship simply because the person has died.
The letter is yours.
A Letter Can Become Part of Your Story
Some handwritten letters become treasured keepsakes.
A letter written in grief can also become a record of a particular moment in your life — who you were, what you were feeling and what you wanted the person you loved to know.
If you return to that letter months or even years later, you may notice that some things have changed while others haven’t.
You may even decide to keep writing.
A letter on their birthday.
At Christmas.
On an anniversary.
When something important happens.
Or simply on an ordinary Tuesday when you suddenly miss them.
There doesn’t have to be a special occasion.
What Should You Do With the Letter?
Again, there are no rules.
You might put it somewhere private.
Keep it in a journal.
Place it with photographs or other treasured belongings.
Read it aloud.
Return to it in a few months and write another.
Some people may decide they don’t want to keep their letter at all.
What matters isn’t what happens to the piece of paper.
The value may simply be in having somewhere for the words to go.
A Gentle World Letter Writing Day Invitation
Today, on World Letter Writing Day, you might like to give yourself ten quiet minutes.
Make a cup of tea.
Find a quiet place.
Take a piece of paper and a pen.
Think of the person you are missing.
And begin:
“If you were here, there is something I would like to tell you…”
Then see what comes.
You don’t need to force anything. And if today doesn’t feel like the right day, you don’t have to do it.
Grief doesn’t work to a timetable.
Love Can Still Be Carried Forward
At Evolve Talking Therapies, I don’t believe grief is something that needs to be fixed or that loving someone who has died is something we need to “get over”.
We learn, gradually and in our own way, how to carry the reality of their absence alongside the connection that remains.
Sometimes that connection might live in photographs.
Sometimes in stories.
Sometimes in a familiar song, a favourite place or a memory that suddenly appears when we least expect it.
And sometimes it might live in a handwritten letter.
There may be no postal address for that letter.
But there can still be somewhere for your words to go.
Warmly,
Sue
Evolve Talking Therapies